|
Know the
Warning Signs: Just Where Is the Boundary Line? Part 1
The videos
presented during the Protecting God's Children™ awareness
sessions discuss a number of warning signs of possible child sexual
abuse. At first glance, many of the identified abuser behaviors seem
to be the kinds of things that have always been associated with good
ministry techniques. In the appropriate context, these practices have
enabled youth ministers to build trust with young people and have
created a loving, pastoral atmosphere in which children have thrived.
Although some
behaviors need to be changed to ensure safe environments, the most
important thing to remember is that there are boundary lines in every
relationship. Inappropriate crossing of those boundary lines causes
seemingly appropriate behavior to become risky or even criminal.
Adults must learn to recognize, respect, and defend these boundary lines.
The purpose of
this two-part series is to examine the warning signs of a child
molester by identifying the lines between appropriate behavior and
the risky actions of adults in ministry with children. We will first
identify what each warning sign does NOT mean, and then clarify how
to recognize that the behavior is risky.
A. Adult always
wants to be alone with children
One of the first
warning signs that the videos present is that child molesters always
want to be alone with children. Does that mean that nobody should
ever be alone with children? No. It means pay particular attention to
any adult who always wants to be alone with children.
There are times in
ministry when children and ministers will be alone. For example, the
sacrament of reconciliation requires privacy. Counseling and tutoring
sessions are often conducted one-on-one. Occasionally, a child needs
the undivided attention of a caring adult.
A responsible
adult makes sure that someone knows when he or she is meeting alone
with children. A responsible adult meets with children in areas where
another adult could walk by unimpeded or where the adult's
interactions which children are visible to others. This is possible,
even when the privacy of the adult-child conversation must be protected.
Risky behavior is
characterized by two specific elements. A potential child molester:
These elements are
the key to the dividing line between appropriate and inappropriate
behavior with children. Committed, caring adults are alone with
children from time to time. It is those who actively discourage or
dissuade others from participating-and eliminate the opportunity for
anyone else to monitor their activities with children-who pose a risk
to children.
B. More excited
to be with children than adults
Caring about
children and wanting to be with them is an important quality for
people in youth ministry. Most dedicated children's ministry
professionals and volunteers are excited to be with children. They
love the children and young people in their programs and relish the
time they spend with the youngsters in their ministries. However,
that does not mean that they always prefer the company of children to
the company of adults.
People in child
and youth ministry are definitely committed to young people. They
bring their love of children to the ministry they provide, but they
are also clear about appropriate boundaries between adults and
children. Good youth ministers strictly enforce those boundaries.
These adults know that their ministry with children and young people
is enhanced when they have a well-rounded and full life that includes
healthy adult relationships and a rich life outside of the time they
spend with the children and young people they serve.
The key to
remember is that child molesters are more excited to be with children
than with adults. Child sexual abusers always choose being with
children rather than adults. When the rest of the adults are craving
adult conversation, the child molester will still choose to be with
the children. As Roberto in the video says when referring to the
person who molested him: "He was always hanging around with us."
A red flag to
watch for is people who have outfitted their house with every toy a
child could want-regardless of the age and interests of their own
children. Also, remember that child molesters have a preference for a
particular age and body type of child. So, for example, Ronnie liked
having young boys around. He preferred boys who were about 10 years
old; and, over time would eliminate other adults and children from
having the opportunity to share his time with the boys. This was
Ronnie's way of isolating his victims from other adults. In addition,
as Karl pointed out, 90 percent of the pictures in his photo album
were photos of little girls-the type he preferred.
These indicators
point to someone who is more excited to be with children than with
adults. Genuine interest in children and genuine commitment to child
and youth ministry are not signs of a child molester. Risky
behavior-such as repeated attempts to isolate children, or a
particular child, from other adults-is a sign of a possible child
sexual abuser. If responsible adults pay attention to the little
details, then children and those who minister to them will be safer
than before. |
