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How Can We
Recognize a Typical Child Molester?
Many of us like to
think that we would recognize a potential child molester if he or she
were walking toward us on the street. We like to think that the
people who sexually molest children are easily identifiable by some
special characteristics-some demented look in their eyes, or the
crazy way they dress or act.
For the general
public, child molesters are perverts, monsters, or disgusting
creeps-at least until the person accused is their neighbor, their
minister, or a trusted member of their family. When the person
accused is clearly not the stereotypical monster, pervert, or
disgusting creep, many would rather believe that the child is lying
or confused rather than to confront the truth about child molesters.[i]
Unfortunately,
most child molesters look just like the person next door, the coach,
the teacher, the minister, or a trusted member of the family. They
don't seem to be different from the rest of us. They can be valued
employees, trusted volunteers, loyal friends, and responsible members
of the community. They are law abiding, responsible citizens who make
a difference in other people's lives through many aspects of their
own lives.[ii]
They may have a
spouse and children of their own. They may be well liked and
respected in the community. They have genuine skills working with
people and, particularly, working with children. They may be kind and
generous and able to inspire trust from the adults around them.
The problem is
that these people are not like other people-they have sex with
children. We must learn to recognize the traits of child molesters so
that we have a fighting chance in the effort to protect our children
from abuse.
Child molesters
are consummate liars. They know how to manipulate the conversation
and the situation so that they dispel any concerns about their
behavior. They use their manipulation skills to groom children,
parents, and the community. They convince others that concerns about
their behavior are insignificant and unimportant.
In order to
recognize a typical child molester, adults in the community must
develop a healthy suspicion about each and every adult who spends
time with children. We must be alert to the signs that some adults
might represent a risk to the children in their care.
Adults must be
willing to speak up when they notice that an adult:
-
Always wants to be
alone with children.
-
Always seems more
excited to be with children than adults.
-
Gives gifts to
children without permission, and encourages them to keep secrets from
their parents and guardians.
-
Lets children do
things their parents would not allow them to do.
-
Thinks rules don't
apply to them.
The typical
molester is no easier to identify by sight than the typical doctor or
the typical parent. Because there is no "typical" child
molester, adults must be alert to the warning signs that indicate
they are potential risks to children.
There are no easy
answers. Preventing child sexual abuse demands much of us. It
requires that we know the warning signs and take action to intervene
when we have concerns about the safety of a child. |
