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How Can You
Effectively Communicate Your Concerns?
Most people who
attend a Protecting God's Children™ awareness session understand
that communicating concerns about risky behaviors directly to the
person involved or the person's supervisor is the right thing to do.
They understand that talking to anyone else, no matter what the
justification or reason, is gossip and may cause irreparable harm.
They also know that if they were doing something that caused concern,
they would want to know so they would have an opportunity to correct
their own behavior. Yet, we also know that it's difficult to initiate
this type of conversation. With that in mind, here are some helpful suggestions.
Communicating to
the individual involved or to that person's supervisor is the best
way to handle a situation that causes you some concern about any
behaviors that potentially place children in harm's way. When asked
why people do not communicate directly to the person involved, among
the most frequent answers are that the person does not want to risk
being wrong about what they saw or heard, and does not want to risk
retaliation for coming forward with suspicions. So, simply knowing
the correct course of action doesn't make your response an easy one.
How do you
communicate concerns effectively without compounding the existing
problem or unnecessarily upsetting people? There are two important
points to remember before you begin:
Think through
what you want to communicate.
When we see
something that causes us concern or makes us feel uneasy, it is
sometimes difficult to find the "right words" to use when
we report our concerns. If you tell someone that you are concerned
about his or her behavior, but you are not able to clearly describe
the behavior, you are putting the other person in an uncomfortable
position and likely, will make him or her angry. Before having such a
conversation, think through what it is you want to say. Make sure you
can explain to the person:
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Exactly what you saw;
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The reasons you
were concerned; and,
-
Why you are
bringing this issue to him or her directly, instead of reporting it
to his or her supervisor.
Communicating a
concern is not an accusation of wrongdoing. Rather, it is an
opportunity to allow someone to see a reflection of how he or she
appears to others. By thinking through your communication and being
sure about what you want to communicate, you can ensure that your
message is clear and unambiguous.
Create a
context or framework for the conversation.
It is highly
probable that someone will become offended and/or upset upon hearing
that you are concerned about his or her behavior with children. While
it is impossible to guarantee that someone will not get upset or not
be offended, it is possible to minimize the risk of that reaction by
creating a framework or context for having the conversation.
Any time you are
getting ready to have a serious conversation, it is important to
begin by talking about why the conversation is necessary. When people
understand that the reason you bring up an issue is because of your
concern for them, they may be able to hear what you say as a
contribution rather than a condemnation.
Creating a context
or framework for the conversation might include explaining that after
participating in a Protecting God's Children awareness session, you
realized how important it is for all of us to monitor our own
behavior, as well as the behavior of others around us who interact
with children. You might tell the other person that you have made
some changes to your own behavior and that you have observed them
engaging in certain behaviors that others might interpret as a
warning sign &ldots; and that's the reason for having the conversation.
Take the time to
establish the framework for the conversation. Let the person know
that you are not accusing him or her of anything. Assure the person
that you believe he or she has only the best of intentions, and that
your fear is that he or she is engaging in certain behaviors
"without thinking," and that those behaviors could place
him or her or the children they care about in harm's way.
Bottom Line:
Communicating our concerns can be challenging for each of us. No one
wants to be the "bearer of bad news" or to be perceived as
making accusations. However, if we can remind ourselves that knowing
is better than not knowing, we can have the tough conversations we
need to have with our co-workers and volunteers.
Trust your
instincts, identify the nature of the concern, think through the
conversation, and create a strong framework for the discussion. By
thinking before you speak, chances are you will accomplish your goal
to protect both the children and the generous, loving adults who work
with them. |
