|
How to Relay
Communicated Concerns
In two recent
training bulletins, we discussed ways that you can put together a
conversation to communicate concerns about someone’s behavior
without causing additional angst or creating more problems. In this
article, we go one step further to discuss how someone in a
supervisory capacity can have an effective conversation to relay the
communicated concern.
Some of you may be
thinking of skipping this article. After all, you are not “in
charge” of anything at the parish. While it may seem to you that
you are not in a position of responsibility, the issues we will
address are relevant to situations at work, at community events, in
committee activities, or even for someone who is in charge of
cleaning the kitchen after a church dinner. At some time or other,
most of us have some responsibility for other adults who are working
with us. This article is intended to help you be better prepared for
those situations.
What should I do now?
Someone has just
come to you with a concern about another volunteer who is working
with you on a project at the parish. You are certain that the
person’s concern is sincere and genuine and that the intention
is to create a safer environment. However, the person whose behavior
created the concern seems rather sensitive and unsure of herself. She
is constantly asking for reinforcement about whether she is doing the
right thing. You know that you need to communicate the concern to
her, but you are stressed—because delivering this message could
cause her to quit the volunteer program. What should you do now?
Follow the steps
Although the
situations are a bit different, you can still use the guidelines
established in the two previous training bulletins on this topic.
These guidelines will serve as the foundation for your interactions
with the person whose behavior created the concern:
• Set up the
program so you (collectively, as a community) are taking a proactive
stand for communicating concerns by monitoring each other’s actions
From the
beginning, let the people working with you know that it is their
responsibility as adults in the faith community to keep an eye on
each other. Remind everyone that each of us wants to know if there is
something we are doing that causes concern. Looking out for each
other is the best way to assure that there is an atmosphere of
openness and a willingness to be monitored while we interact with
children and minors. Individuals need to know if something they are
doing causes concern for others. When there is a concern, others can
take action to alert the individual responsible, correct the
behavior, and alleviate the concern.
• Think
through the message that you want to communicate
Be clear about the
nature of the concern and the ways that the concern can be
eliminated. As the person in charge, it is extremely important that
you carefully prepare for this conversation. You want to communicate
the concern accurately, and, at the same time, encourage the person
who is the subject of the complaint to listen to what you are saying
and use it as a catalyst for finding new, safe, creative ways of
interacting with young people—by behaving in a fashion that
eliminates, or at least minimizes, the concern of others.
• Create a
context for the conversation
One way to begin
the conversation is to remind the person that one of the great
opportunities available for participants in the VIRTUS programs is
that we learn things about ourselves that we might not otherwise have
recognized. For example, we have a chance to interact with young
people while having our actions monitored by others—an
opportunity to eliminate any careless behaviors. By creating this
sort of context for the conversation, you can remind the person that
communicating concerns and being reviewed and redirected are two of
the intended outcomes of the Protecting God’s Children®
program for adults. This can set the stage for a productive conversation.
• Follow
through on concerns communicated by others
When you are the
person “in charge” of an activity or group, you must make
sure that concerns expressed to you are dealt with effectively and
quickly. Take time to set the stage for effective communication, but
don’t waste any time accomplishing this task. Holding back or
delaying your communications does not serve anyone—not the
children, not the person with the concern, and not the person whose
behavior gives rise to the concern.
Going beyond the basics
• Create a response
Work with the
person whose behavior gave rise to the concern to create a response
to the concern. This may require that you take a fresh look at the
behavior that is causing the concern. The considerations to address are:
? What is the
purpose of the interaction?—For example, in past years, some
games were created for use in youth activities that were intended to
create or improve trust in the relationship. If the risky behavior
had a good intention, what new behavior could replace this particular
action and produce the same outcome without causing the risk and concern?
? Does the
behavior condition children or young people to accept intimate touch
or condition the community to accept inappropriate behavior between
children and adults?—If so, in addition to correcting your
behavior, let the children and the community know that
“conditioning” was not your intention. Use the situation as
an opportunity to demonstrate that even behavior that has good
intentions can sometimes create a bad situation and risk for those involved.
? How do you
eliminate the behavior that causes concern?—Work with the person
to establish a plan for eliminating the behavior from his or her
interactions with children and youth. Habits are hard to break, so
working together to find a way to alter the behavior or get rid of it
altogether may mean creating a new way to behave. Remember that it
takes 14 days or more of repeating a new behavior to make a new habit.
• Follow-up
with the person
Check with the
person from time to time to find out how things are going. Make sure
he or she knows that you support him or her in the effort to dispel
concerns others may have had about the inappropriate behavior and in
enhancing and expanding his or her ministry with children and young people.
The steps to
powerfully discussing a communicated concern are no different than
any other form of communication—but the actions associated with
those steps are quite distinct. Discussing a communicated concern
requires thoughtful intervention and observation over a longer period
of time. Frankly, it takes a commitment on your part—a
commitment to stand with others in your faith community as they adapt
to today’s environment. Your leadership—taking the
appropriate steps—can lead to a simple, quick resolution of a
potentially difficult issue for everyone involved. |
