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Protecting
God's Children for Adults
Conditioning:
Playing into the Hands of a Child Molester
Many people find
that the Protecting God’s Children videos make them a little
nervous because they can see that the behavior of some child
molesters is similar to some of their own behaviors with children and
young people. In fact, child molesters use some of the same good
tools that youth ministers, educators, and others employ to build
trust with children and young people. Child molesters have, as Dr.
David Finkelhor says, “a lot of genuine skill in relating to children.”
There are other
ways that child molesters use our legitimate interactions with
children and young people to their advantage. As faith-filled people
with a commitment to protecting God’s children, we must take
time to examine our own interactions and behaviors with children and
young people to make sure we are not pawns in a child molester’s game.
There are two key
questions to ask ourselves when thinking about and reviewing the ways
we interact with young people and children:
1. Could our
interaction be conditioning children to accept a form of touch that
may be or may become intimate or inappropriate?
2. Could our
interaction condition others in our community to accept potentially
inappropriate or intimate behavior between adults and children?
In previous
articles we have stressed the importance of making sure that our
physical contact with children and young people is public,
appropriate, and non-sexual (PAN). The next step in making sure that
we are part of the solution to providing children with a safer
environment is by examining our interaction with children from
another perspective.
Conditioning children
Observing our
activities with children to prevent conditioning requires that we
begin to analyze the games we play with children during our ministry
activities. The basic criteria for assessing these games and
activities are:
• Does the
activity involve touching between adults and children or young people
that could be interpreted as intimate (even accidentally)?
• Does the
activity involve forcing children to touch or be touched to qualify
them for continued participation—or does it put children in a
position of not being able to refuse?
Review each
activity to determine whether there is any part of that
activity—regardless of the intention of the activity—that
could result in children being touched in an intimate way, even
accidentally. Activities such as wrestling and tickling can condition
children and young people to accept touch from adults they don’t
know very well. Therefore, it is important to eliminate these
activities from our programs and parishes.
Conditioning the community
Take time to look
at the activities between adults and children from the perspective of
an observer. Do the activities involve forms of touching that could
help condition the adult community to accept certain behaviors
between adults and children—behaviors that would be viewed as
risky or inappropriate if committed by someone with a known evil intent?
When activities
condition the community, the door is opened for a child molester to
gain access to children and young people—right in front of
caring adults—without arousing suspicion. Maintaining high
standards for physical interactions between children and adults in
parish, school, or organizational activities will dramatically
improve the community’s ability to protect children.
Evaluating our own
behaviors in light of these two considerations can help to make sure
we are creating an environment where the behavior of someone who is a
risk of harm to children is noticed. Eliminating situations that make
children and young people vulnerable to the actions of potential
child molesters can stop a child molester in his or her tracks.
Be aware of a
major pitfall
Many of the
activities up for review were developed to accomplish a legitimate
and important ministry goal. Don’t “throw the baby out with
the bathwater,” so to speak, by eliminating the activity without
replacing it with something that accomplishes the ministry
goal—but without creating a risk of harm to young people. |
